Birthday Stuffs . . .

so, yesterday was my son's birthday. i now have a child who is 4 years old . . . one who will be starting school in a little over a year . . . one who is growing up WAY too quickly. i can't believe he's this old already. it seems like just yesterday i was rushed in for my c-section or sitting in a room on the 15th floor of Texas Children's for a month waiting for a surgeon to open my 4 month old's chest and repair his heart. i remember all of these trying situations with him like they were just within the past few hours. of course, i remember good times with him the same way, like being able to pick him up like a normal child for the first time in 6 weeks after his heart surgery just in time for christmas. his first steps the day before his first birthday. all the times he tells me how much he loves me and that he thinks i'm beautiful. the times that he's managed to make me stop crying, or cry even harder because he tried to wipe away my tears and tell me "don't cry mommy."

okay, that's it, kids should not be allowed to grow up. i think that there should be some kind of pill that keeps them from growing up too quickly. i want to just freeze frame this time and keep it forever. i am going to miss so much this little man of mine once he's older. i want to be able to "cuddle and huggle and snuggle" with him ALL the time. forever.

oh well, i know that can't be. i love him so much though. he never fails to amaze me with his intelligence and charm. he is just TOO wonderful for words.